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It’s been a social few weeks for me with a couple more coming up. As an introvert, I need to balance my social activities with my alone time. Part of my downtime this week was spent with Marcellus, the octopus in Remarkably Brilliant Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt. It was a well-written book with a beautiful story of connection and love.
I’ve been chatting with friends in the past couple of weeks about getting your needs met. As women, we are conditioned to take care of others and to push our needs to the side, but here’s the thing: giving from an empty cup is a lose-lose proposition. If your energy is depleted, giving it to someone else is not a wise choice for either person. How do you get your needs met? Often, we’re not even quite sure what they are, so how do we ask for help? I struggle with asking for help. (That might be an understatement; I can feel you rolling your eyes, Allison and Tawnya.) I find it really challenging. Recently, I needed to lean on my friends and family during a difficult time. Even though I didn’t know exactly what I needed, sharing that I needed support and didn’t know what that looked like made my friends and family aware that if I was reaching out, it was not simply to catch up but a request for support. Part of asking for what you need is not being attached to the outcome. Recognizing that others have lives that may not allow for the space to help in any given moment and trusting that they will let you know helps avert hard feelings. Asking sooner rather than later certainly helps with that. Often, we make up a story in our heads about why this person can’t help or won’t help, and it rarely matches reality – best to ask for clarification. In my case, reaching out beforehand and letting people know it was going to be a tough experience for me was better than waiting until I was in the thick of it and completely having a meltdown when I would feel especially vulnerable to a no response. If you have someone in your life that never seems to be able to support your needs or the relationship feels very one-sided. It’s time to evaluate whether or not this is a relationship you want or if it’s just a transactional situation. Then treat it as such. Taking a moment to look inside and see what you really do need can be as simple as taking a couple of deep breaths and focusing on what you need in the moment: maybe you need a little bit of advice, an ear so you can vent, or maybe you need a hug. Whatever the need is, it’s okay to ask for it, just like it’s okay for the person to decline to meet that need. If you’re hesitant to ask for help, see if any of the following apply. (great tools to try for any of the feelings below – EFT, Progressive Positive Affirmations, and intention setting) It Feels Awkward – not wanting to be a burden- aka “taking up too much space”, uncertain how to ask or how it will be received. Feeling Vulnerable – thinking you should be able to manage things on your own, not wanting to appear needy or “broken” Assumptions – everyone is so busy, has their own sh*t, or will think less of me Does any of these sound familiar? It’s challenging to put aside fear and uncertainty to ask for what you need. We get so caught up in the story we’re telling ourselves that we hesitate and then try to tough it out alone. All relationships are give-and-take. Asking for what you need lets others in and can deepen a connection. Ultimately, our connections to each other make us stronger, but the foundation is a deep connection to ourselves. Being your own best friend and from that place of strength asking to have your needs met is a powerful place to be. All of the energy tools and techniques I teach help you become better connected with yourself, whether you do them daily or occasionally, whether you modify them or do them exactly as described. They support creating a strong foundation for moving forward and creating what you want in your life with a supportive and loving community. P.S. If you like this content and want to support it, there are 3 Ways! PICK ONE right now before you forget😀 |
Vulnerability, Needs, and How To Ask For Help
