A woman is sitting in an outdoor café, a light breeze ruffles her hair, the sun warms her shoulders, and she’s enjoying watching the people as they go by. The waitress approaches and asks her what she would like to order.
The woman’s forehead furrows, her foot begins to tap, and her shoulders inch toward her ears. She’s been reading the menu. There are so many options. She’s uncertain, thinking, ‘What if I make the wrong choice?’ She can’t decide, so she tells the waitress I’ll have whatever you have hanging around.
I know this sounds pretty ludicrous, but sometimes this is how we go about life. Never really defining or asking for what we want or need. Instead of consciously choosing, we accept the default or what’s leftover. It takes a little bit of re-training and effort but consciously choosing can become your default mindset. By keeping an open mind and a growth mindset, you can actively choose the path you want, often creating it where there once was no path.
Growth vs Fixed Mindset
Years ago, when my four children were still young, I struggled to get everything done. I often felt spread so thin that I didn’t do anything well. I loved my job, and my family needed the income. I was in management and was told by many other that’s just the way it is; working part-time was not an option. That was a fixed mindset, a belief that the way things were is the way they always will be.
It simply didn’t make sense to me. I knew I could get my work done in 3 or 4 days and support my team. I proposed a compressed workweek, four 10-hour days or three 12-hour days, to my boss and was denied. He told me a colleague had just proposed a similar schedule and had been declined. Not to be deterred, I shifted gears and asked about cutting back to 32 hours, and he approved a 3-month trial. The trial worked and became permanent. When I was promoted a year later, I successfully negotiated for a 3-day workweek.
Part of why this was successful for me was my mindset. I truly believed it was not only possible but probable. When I encountered an obstacle, I regrouped and consciously moved forward. At the time, part of my process was to journal about the ‘what’ and ‘why’ of the obstacle then create affirmations to anchor my choice in place.
Thoughts, Beliefs & Mindset
The power of your thoughts is significant. A research study done in 1991 on the effect of belief in premature death researchers followed 72 subjects with similar health histories, half of whom believed that because they had a family history of death at a specific age, that meant their life trajectory would be the same. The other half believed they could alter their life trajectory. More than 80% of the subjects with the mindset of predetermined life expectancy did indeed pass away within one year of when they believed they would. Only 18% of those who believed they could alter their life expectancy passed away prematurely.
This is a powerful reminder that mindset does matter. The thoughts you have are impactful. Thinking the same thoughts over time creates a belief. Neither thoughts nor beliefs are set in stone. You can change them with a little focus and time. Consciously choosing what you want and need, while not as simple as ordering a burger off of the restaurant menu, affects the life you create. Try taking a few minutes each morning for the next week to choose what you want in your day – joy, focus, fun, and begin to build your conscious mindset. You might be pleasantly surprised.
Be Well,
Cathy