I like to measure things maybe it’s my inner analytical scientist or maybe it helps satisfy my curiosity of how something brings change, but all of my client work and a lot of my personal work starts with an assessment followed by ideas for self-care. I do know that when it comes to recalling how something was it’s often colored by what currently is. One of the things I work with private clients on is the concept of filling your cup. Learning to lean into intuition to get ideas for self care and see when and what you need to fill your cup. I like to check in daily to see how full my cup is…kinda like a gas gauge.
The olympian Simone Biles withdrew from most of the events she was slated to perform in this past week. That took courage and self-awareness. Knowing when to take a step back and tend to your own well-being is a critical skill many of us feel is challenging to practice.
In a society that tells us to ‘push through, ‘tough it out’ and ‘give until you bleed’. It can be hard to discern when it’s time to pull back and when it’s time to show your grit and stay in it. Despite our social conditioning and external pressure, we get to choose which path to take.
Lack of Self Care Creates a Downward Spiral
The thing is if we live from a place of deficit we can not be our best. Our lives get caught in a spiral of putting out fires and treading water. This shows up in so many ways. Here are the most common:
- Working too many hours
- Saying yes when you really want to say no
- Taking on extra projects,
- Borrowing from downtime to get work done
- Putting someone (or everyone) else’s needs before your own
These pressures are draining and add significantly to stress loads. The workload at home is not much better. The pressure to do more so your kids have the best start means not only are we perpetuating the grind but we’re depleting ourselves even more in the process.
Before you begin to think I’m anti-working hard let me make a distinction, it’s the work smarter not harder mentality.
Filling Your Cup is About Radical Self-Care
When you take the time to fill your cup, however that might look for you it’s easier to show up wholehearted, share your gifts, and enjoy life. It’s easier to recognize when you need to say no or ask for help. It’s easier to create strong and flexible boundaries. It’s easier to see where those boundaries are being compromised.
There is a waterfall effect when you come from an empty cup. You’re more likely to compromise on your values and allow boundaries to be crossed. This causes you to lose trust in yourself. You get tired. You begin to lose that zip in your step, the spark that energizes you. This makes it easier for others to impose their agenda. Not necessarily in a negative or manipulative way, it’s just the way things flow.
Filling your cup helps prevent that. The saying that you can’t give from an empty cup is true. The big question is so how do I shift from continually draining my cup to filling it. There is no single answer to that. Each of us has our own way and that’s a beautiful thing. This goes beyond the superficial self-care items like a spa day etc. (though I’m all for a good massage).
Learn to Trust Your Intuition
It’s about nourishing yourself on all levels consistently and well. It starts with small consistent actions. Learning to trust your intuition and your body cues, the signals your body gives you that your stress levels are high or you’re doing too much is a key skill. Personalized stress reduction techniques and preventive actions are easier than you may think. Let’s look at the things that make up the cup to give you ideas for self-care.
- Physical well-being – sleep, nutrition, movement
- Mental well-being – thoughts, what you’re putting in
- Emotional well-being – feelings, connection, expression
- Energetic well-being – energetic hygiene, energy sources/drains, environment
- Spiritual well-being – connection to a higher power or something larger than yourself
Tending to your cup doesn’t need to take a lot of time. Much of this is about perspective and the ability to prioritize yourself. Trying to squeeze too much into our days is exhausting. It’s okay to slow down, say no, create a little more space to just be. Many of the components are aspects of everyday life. When approached mindfully they can be nourishing. A good example is sleep.
Sleep can be in short supply or of lower quality when your cup is empty ironically it’s one of the things that can help fill your cup. Creating a wind-down routine that feels good and supports you can help.
Things like reading, gentle yoga, guided meditation, a bath can help to unplug from the day and signal to your mind and body that it’s time to rest. My evening routine is looser than my morning one ( try as I might to make it more structured, no Bueno) I do some gentle yoga or stretching, my gratitude practice, read, and a short meditation. This takes between 30 – 60 minutes(depending on how good the book is ). These things help me to relax which is important to fill your cup. What could you tweak to help you wind down?
Thoughts? I always love to hear from you, just comment below.