I’m writing from my friend’s home in Santa Barbara. She had a milestone birthday this week. Her wish was to gather her dearest friends for connection and celebration, a heartfelt and beautiful honoring of relationships.
It’s December, the last month of the year. It is a month filled with holiday gatherings with family and friends and many extra things on the to-do list.
I’m finding myself feeling time-starved. There are more “to do’s” than hours in the day. Things are just taking longer to get done. My focus isn’t what it usually is.
The swirl of this push and pull with time can get me a bit cranky overall and judgey with myself. My mental chatter chants What’s wrong with you it’s right there on the list. You should have finished it!
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But the reality is my list is often (not always – so that’s an improvement) over-ambitious. This time with my friend emphasized the need to slow it down a little, honor the things that are truly important, and let some of the non-essential things fall away.
Looking at your relationship with time and what that looks like can help shift some of the feelings of overwhelm and the sense of being time-starved.
What if time was your friend?
Research shows that the stress of being on the go, in battle with time, has a negative effect on our nervous system. The fight or flight response is activated and is on high alert almost continually. Sustained elevated levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, can lead to a multitude of physical symptoms – heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type II diabetes, and depression, to name a few. An activated amygdala also influences estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone….menopause mayhem anyone??
Time is one of those things that can seem to drag on. If you’ve ever been in a boring class or long Zoom call, you know this feeling. Sometimes, time can be gone in the blink of an eye, especially when you have a fast-approaching deadline, too much on your plate, or growing children or fur babies.
How about shifting your perception of time? Instead of battling time, trying to beat the clock, or squeezing just one more thing in, time instead became a container to hold all the things you choose to do.
I deliberately used the word ‘choose’ because it is empowering. When you stop and look at anything you’re doing, it is a choice, sometimes an unconscious one admittedly.
Even if it’s not something you like, you are choosing to spend time on it over the consequence of not doing it. I really like clean dishes, so time spent on washing them is a choice🤪
Think of your coffee cup. It’s the container to hold your coffee. Try thinking of time as the container to hold your life. You get to choose what to put into it.
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If this feels a little foreign or you have a tendency to underestimate the amount of time needed for a task (I’m guilty of this soooo much), try this tactile trick. It takes about 12 minutes…yes, I timed it.
Make a list of all you do each day and write how long it takes. Next, get a container that holds 24 ounces and fill it. Now, take your list, and for each 60 minutes listed, pour 1 ounce of fluid out of the container. This is a visual reminder of what you can fit into a day. If you spend time on less important things first, your cup is empty when it comes time for the things that matter most.
Use this image when you are scheduling something or thinking of adding to your day – does it fit into your container? What is it displacing?
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