A friend recently asked me what my process was for making all of the significant changes in my life over the past several years. (For those who are newer here, I left everything I knew moved 3,000 miles to a city where I knew no one, split with my husband of 26 years, re-branded my business, began traveling internationally)
As I pondered for a moment, it occurred to me that I hadn’t really thought about the actual process.
I remember being immersed in each shift and doing my best to respond to what was right in front of me, yet clearly, there was a pattern, certain things that underpinned the changes and transformation.
Transformation, not only have I lived it, but it’s what my work is all about. I told her I wanted to give it the honor of some dedicated time and thought, and I would report back to her.
Change is such a chameleon. Sometimes we embrace it with open arms; other times, we greet it kicking and screaming, and sometimes we simply turn and run. It’s often a combination, excited but a little (or a lot) nervous, scared and a little curious, resistance with some acceptance.
Paradoxically change is a constant in our lives. Understanding it and how you respond to it is an important skill.
So much of transformation is underneath the surface. Swirling in the muck of indecision and emotion is the heavy lifting. We want to be certain. We want to KNOW what the right choice is. The big emotions are hard to navigate, which only adds to the uncertainty. Self-awareness comes in handy here. Knowing your body cues, default perspective, core values, and intrinsic motivation keep you centered.
These things are only amplified at midlife when we’re beginning to look at time in the bigger picture of meaning and legacy. The pull to contribute in a more meaningful, personal way (if we could just figure out what that was) is getting stronger.
In my process of sorting through what my next chapter would be, I had the yo–yo effect of stay – no – go – no – stay and most of it centered around how my actions would affect everyone else, my ex, my family, friends, clients, and colleagues. It wasn’t until I began to focus on what I truly wanted that clarity and certainty started to bubble up.
Peeling back the layers of what others want and expect and what you truly want takes some time, some work, and a lot of self-exploration. It’s scary, exhilarating, fun, sad, and enlightening.
There is a lot to be said on this subject and this article touches the surface only. Change is uncertain whether it’s a change in job, a change in relationship, living situation, or health.
The collective consciousness right now is laden with uncertainty. The energy of that influences each us to varying degrees, heightening our stress levels and impacting our decision making.
The unknown can be scary and intimidating. Social conditioning can make it even more difficult to get to the core of what the right choice for you is.
Looking back here are the top 3 things that helped me and I work with clients on:
Learn to trust yourself – sounds simple, but the truth is for most of us, we’ve been thinking of other people’s needs for so long we’ve turned the volume down on our own wants and desires. Trusting the pull I was feeling was to nourish my soul and each step in that direction was a celebration
Feel what you need to feel – It’s messy and uncomfortable and absolutely necessary. And , specifically for women we need to know – anger is okay; really it is, there are healthy ways to express it. Bottling it up, squashing it down, and pretending it doesn’t exist is a recipe for unhappiness, health issues, and staying stuck.
Stretch yourself – try new things, expect to stumble sometimes, test new ideas, step outside your comfort zone …even a little bit, to help you grow and expand into the woman your longing to become
Also, know you are not alone; millions of women reach crossroads and feel uncertain where they want to go.
I believe in you. I believe in your immense desire. I believe in your amazing possibility.
Coaching tip- Today do one thing that celebrates that spark inside of you bonus points if you share it in the comments below